1. Say NO to going to bed with unresolved issues. The longer issues pile up the messy things become and the climate in your home worsens.
2. Say NO to involving parents or family in solving marital matters. Instead, see a counsellor, a pastor or a neutral person of authority who believes in marriage if you can’t manage a breakthrough as a couple. Parents and family are biased and after you two have solved issues, they will remember the wrongs done to their son/daughter and it will affect family relations. Minimise the amount of people involved in your domestic affairs.
3. Say NO to coming to big decisions without giving the other an opportunity to be heard and considered. This is how to build unity.
3. Say NO to using the words “My” in marriage. “My car”, “My child”, “My house”, “My money”… Instead say “Our car”, “Our child”, “Our house”, “Our money” regardless of who contributes the most financially. You two are a team.
4. Say NO to arguing in front of the children. Don’t expose them to tension that will emotionally stress them.
5. Say NO to ending a sexual moment with only one of you sexually satisfied. Both of you ought to enjoy love making.
6. Say NO to using insults no matter how angry you get. Your spouse will easily remember the insults spoken in moments of anger than the loving words spoken in times of peace.
7. Say NO to eating outside when your spouse has taken the time to prepare a family meal for you. Make it a habit to eat together.
8. Say NO to visits by your relatives without informing your spouse. It is not your home alone. If you want your spouse to be a good host to your relatives, consult with him/her when the visit will happen and for how long.
9. Say NO to entertaining another or flirting with others. You two are allowed to have a healthy social life and friends even of the opposite gender but with boundaries and transparency.
10. Say NO to sleeping in different beds/rooms yet you are in the same house. It sets a bad precedence and escalates the situation. Be like “Honey, we didn’t have the best of days today but I still love you”. You walking out to sleep somewhere else or kicking your spouse out of the room communicates rejection and disgust.
11. Say NO to letting a relative come stay in your house who disrespects your spouse. Don’t let your spouse be attacked at home.
12. Say NO to suggesting divorce when things get difficult. You don’t solve problems by threatening to walk out. When you tell your spouse divorce is an option it can easily discourage your spouse or make your spouse defensive. Unfortunately, some ask for a divorce not because they are serious but to scare and manipulate and in so doing planting seeds of doubt in their marriage.